Who is Kami?
by Aria6
Summary: An alternate version of Bleach! Formerly a part of A Coyote's Stories. What happens if Aizen doesn't get to keep the Hogyoku? What if it wants something else? Fun times for the newest gods of the Bleach universe! Starrk and Lilynette centric. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This silliness was inspired by a webcomic I read a very long time ago. One character who sometimes acted as a narrator was a young man who'd been given godlike powers. What did he use them for? Nothing really… he spent his time playing computer games naked. Sometimes he cured the common cold and once a wet dream of his increased the bust size of every woman in the city by several inches. ^_^

* * *

"I am soooo drunk."

"Yep, you are." The little girl hollow agreed from her place at the bar. There was no one there but a terrified bartender and owner who had refused to abandon his place of business. It was all he had in the world. Even the presence of a bizarre hollow like creature was not going to drive him from it. And the creature in question didn't seem to be violent even if he was drinking and not paying. The owner was willing to take it.

"I wanna 'nother round fer everyone in the house!" The hollow announced, which made his smaller companion sigh. "On me!"

"You're the only one in the house. I mean except for this guy. And you haven't paid him a dime yet." She pointed out as the bartender quickly supplied more alcohol. The big hollow looked momentarily puzzled.

"Oh. Do I have any money?" He asked after a moment and she shook her head.

"No." She said and he licked his lips before attempting to think.

"Zat bad?" He asked and she shrugged a bit.

"It is for this guy." She gestured towards the owner, who tensed slightly. He did not want the hollow to become upset. No, drunk and out of it was infinitely preferable to upset. He'd never actually seen an arrancar before but he could recognize one and this was definitely one of the new breed of hollows.

Then the door opened and the owner closed his eyes. A couple of shinigami had already come by to try to collect the hollow. So far, he'd shown remarkable restraint in his drunken state and just completely ignored them. Weapons had been deflected, kidos had fizzled and surprisingly, his place of business had escaped unscathed. He wasn't sure it could last. Shinigami were pretty bad about destroying buildings when they were hunting hollows. Granted, they usually rebuilt them but still…

"Ah, arrancar-san!" A pleasant voice said and the owner opened his eyes before closing them again. Everyone knew that pink kimono. And the long white hair of his companion was pretty well known too. He wanted to sink behind the bar but he knew it wouldn't do any good. The arrancar turned curiously as the little girl hollow picked her nose.

"Hellooooo~" The arrancar said, his attention suddenly fixed on the white haired man. The bartender blinked. "Want a drink?" He offered with a wide smile and the taichou looked at the bottle of alcohol a bit wide eyed. "Yer pretty." The arrancar slurred and the owner winced.

"Starrk, that's a GUY!" The little girl objected and the bigger hollow looked confused. "Have you drunk yourself blind or something?" She groused as her elder struggled to think.

"She's got long hair." He said, determined to stick with his initial gender identification. The white haired taichou had an 'I don't believe this' look on his face while the other one was starting to smile. The little girl hollow sighed.

"The other one's got long hair TOO, Starrk. I don't see you calling him a girl." She said and the older hollow… Starrk?... squinted at the taichou in pink.

"That'd be a really hairy girl." He said and the man in pink actually laughed.

"Ah, how amusing! But I doubt Aizen sent you here to be a comedy routine. Tell me, arrancar-san. What are you doing here? Aside from getting unbelievably drunk." The taichou said, his eyes ranging over the empty bottles scattered across the floor. There was an amazing number of them. It was the little girl who answered as the older hollow tried to make another overture to his friend, still suffering from a case of gender confusion.

"That is what we're here for and Aizen didn't send us. He's dead." That caught both their attentions and the white haired taichou took a step forward. That was a huge mistake because a drunken Starrk suddenly ended up in his arms.

"Yer really cute even if yer flat." He said then yelped in pain as his smaller companion kicked him squarely in the arse. "Lilinette!"

"Let go of him! He's a guy Starrk! A GUY! Do you even like guys?" She asked as the white haired taichou tried to gently free himself from the drunken man. Starrk let go, wobbling as he stood, his face screwed up in an effort to think. "Okay that's it. BARTENDER! He's cut off! No more booze!"

"WHAT?!" The big arrancar suddenly staggered back to the bar and grabbed his bottle. "Noooo! Lilinette! I'm not done!" He complained as she kicked him. "Ow!"

"You can't even tell a girl from a guy. You are done like dinner." She said and he whimpered something before trying to chug his alcohol. "You can finish that but that's it!" She threatened before turning her attention back to the men in front of her. They were watching with amusement from one and horrified fascination from the other.

"What do you mean, Aizen's dead?" The white haired taichou said and the little girl scratched her head, making an odd echoing sound against her bone helmet.

"Look, why don't we take this from the top? I'm Lilinette Gingerbuck. Mr. Soppy Drunk here is Coyote Starrk. Now, who are you guys?" She asked and they exchanged a glance before asking.

"I'm Kyoraku Shunsui." The guy in pink told her and she nodded as the white haired one spoke.

"I'm Ukitake Juushiro." The white one said with a smile so friendly that Lilinette eyed him suspiciously. "Would you like some candy?" He offered, reaching into his pockets and pulling out something that made her eyes light up.

"Oh yeah!" She hadn't had candy since she was alive. Then she paused as she reached out, suddenly suspicious. "This ain't poisoned or nothin' is it?"

"Of course not!" Juushiro assured her as she eyed him thoughtfully. "I didn't know there would be a child here. No one mentioned you at all." She scoffed a little but took the candy, popping it into her mouth and sucking it thoughtfully.

"S'good. And yeah, I'm not as memorable as Starrk." She looked at her companion, who was still busy with his jar of sake. "This is the first time he's ever had booze. I guess it could be going worse. He hasn't puked yet."

"It's only a matter of time I would say." Kyoraku said with a knowing smile. "But you said something about Aizen being deceased?" He prompted and the little girl nodded.

"Yeah. Starrk killed him." She said, an assertion they both regarded with skepticism.

"Why would one of Aizen's creations turn on him?" Ukitake asked and Lilinette sneered at him.

"We weren't his creations! What, do these look like uniforms to you?" She asked and Shunsui tilted his head as Juushiro frowned. It was true, what the two arrancar were wearing bore no resemblance to uniforms. In fact, they looked like large, furry blankets. Little patches of bare skin and body hair could be seen when Starrk shifted. It was actually slightly indecent, given that he appeared to have no clothing beneath. The same was true of Lilinette. "We broke our own masks back when we separated. We never owed anything to Aizen!"

"I see… so why did you kill him?" Shunsui asked. He didn't really believe any of this. The menace to Soul Society, gone? Replaced with… what? The little girl hollow shrugged.

"We just wanted that stone of his. The one with the pretty voice." She said, which was puzzling. "Hey Starrk! Show them your sword!"

"Huh?" The arrancar mumbled as he tried to reach over the bar for more alcohol. The bartender was a bit unsure what to do, glancing between him and the child hollow. She saw what he was doing and kicked him in the shins.

"STARRK! You're cut off! Now give me your sword, you're too drunk to have it anyhow!" She snapped and he groaned before holding out a hand. A moment of drunken concentration and a weapon appeared in it.

"Wait… it was part of me… too drunk to have myself…?" He asked querulously as the girl seized the sword. "Gonna take my balls too?"

"No! Keep your testicles to yourself. So here's that stone thing." She said as the two taichou watched her warily. "When Starrk touched it, it went into him and turned into this. She says she's a zanpakuto now. Like, a real one. She wanted Starrk so she called him in and he took her before Aizen could stop him. That really pissed him off so there was a really big, knock down battle. We won and decided to go celebrate by going somewhere and not killing people."

"…Not killing people?" Juushiro asked as Shunsui examined the sword. It was strange, to say the least. A dark purple color, it was highlighted with black. He could sense no power in it at all, but that worried him because he had an instinctive feeling that the weapon was composed of nothing BUT power. And, for that matter, he could sense nothing from Starrk and his little friend. Yet shinigami had been turned away from him with no apparent effort.

"YESH!" Starrk suddenly got into the game, bolting upright with a wide smile on his face. His cheeks were quite adorably flushed. "We made a garganta! We WENT PLACES! And people DIDN'T DIE! It'sh amazing!" Lilinette sighed, interpreting for her larger half.

"Until we absorbed the purple rock thing we couldn't control our reiatsu at all. We killed everything we ran into. I bet you two would survive but everyone else here? Pffth, gone." Lilinette waved and the two shinigami exchanged a glance. "Now we can control our power perfectly. And we're a lot stronger, too. I think we're basically some kind of weird god thing now."

"God of sake…" Starrk tried to reach for another bottle before getting a kick. "Ow! Lilinette!"

"Stuff it Starrk! I think I want to get out of here. Hey, can you two take-off or something?" She said and Shunsui sighed before suddenly pulling out his swords.

"I'm afraid you must come with us." He said commandingly as Juushiro followed suit, pulling out his weapons. They both immediately went to shikai as Lilinette scowled. The sword she was holding vanished as Starrk grumbled something indecipherable.

"Oi, ya think so?" She gestured and an invisible force pushed them back. Shunsui summoned the full force of his reiatsu and Juushiro did the same… and it did no good at all.

"Kami." Shunsui grunted as he struggled against that invisible pressure. It was gently forcing them back, herding them out of the bar. It felt like – like he was fighting against Yamamoto's spiritual pressure when he was a new recruit. Except there was no sense of suffocation, no heavy weight. This force was being very gentle to them but it was completely irresistible.

"Maybe reasoning with them…?" Juushiro said, his tone very strained as they were shoved out the door. The two arrancar followed although Lilinette was essentially carrying Starrk.

"I'm tired of this place and you're cut off. Make us a gate to the good place!" She said firmly to her larger half, who was looking around with wide-eyed curiosity. "STARRK! Good place!"

"Good place? Oh! Yeah! The good place! We can go to the good place!" Starrk was suddenly enthusiastic and Shunsui managed to take a step forward as their attention left him. "Ummm… yeah!" Suddenly, a door opened and gentle golden light seemed to spill out of it. Shunsui's eyes went wide as he felt the distinct, familiar power escaping from that portal.

"No, stop!" He didn't know what the two arrancar thought they were doing or how they had created a portal to the Celestial realm, but he didn't think this was a good thing. They ignored him though, stepping into the light. The door vanished behind them, sealing away. "Sweet kami!" He called out a hell butterfly and sent an extremely urgent message to Yamamoto. They needed to get word to the Soul King's court about the intruder into their realm.

It took many days, though, to get any message to the Soul King. By the time it arrived the arrancar were long gone. However, when the Royal Guard searched the grounds they did find a hammock in the orchards, along with plenty of apple cores, some comic books and empty jugs of sake.

The newest 'gods' of the three worlds had come and gone. But eventually, they would be back.


	2. Trip to a Good Place

"This is the best!"

"Really is." Starrk said as he half-closed his eyes, just enjoying the sun. Lilinette waded into the water with a happy squeal.

They were in their own good place. The old one was, alas, not so good anymore… the last time they had tried to go there a bunch of strange shinigami with great powers had shown up to try and capture them. They were no kind of threat to the new 'gods', of course, but Starrk and Lilinette weren't interested in fighting and trying to sleep in their hammocks while holding the strangers off… well, it didn't work. So they'd accepted that they weren't welcome and regretfully departed, ignoring the shouting behind them.

That had left them with a dilemma. Where could they go? Shinigami might find them anywhere in the Living World or Soul Society. Hueco Mundo was out. Starrk and Lilinette didn't want to see that place ever again. So they decided to make their own good place.

It had been tricky, figuring out how to do it. But they'd found the good place, which hadn't been easy either. So eventually they managed to create a pocket dimension of their own. Getting the same 'feel' as the good place hadn't been easy but they'd managed that, too. Everything was more vibrant and real than Soul Society or the Living World. And the reishi in the air was extraordinarily high, yet not the least bit uncomfortable. No, this was a wonderful place, just like the good place.

That, though, was where the similarities ended. The good place had held a huge, beautiful Japanese style palace. It had been surrounded by gardens, then orchards and fields. It had all been very domesticated. For their own good place, Starrk and Lilinette had gone for something completely different. They had created a tropical paradise, full of white sands, blue sea and riotous jungle. The jungle was full of flowering plants, fruits and wildlife.

Of course, Starrk and Lilinette were quite ignorant of what kind of life a tropical island should hold. They'd gotten around that by making a faithful replication of a real island. They'd even included the buildings, which included a very nice house. They used it when the place needed rain. The plants and animals all had physical needs, just like real ones.

The only thing that was missing was people. Starrk had considered replicating them, too, before deciding against it. The people on the island wouldn't know them and it would all get very strange, very fast. Then he'd considered replicating a few people who DID know him, like those two taichou. Then he'd thought, how would they feel about that, knowing they were duplicates created to help wile away the time of an idle god? They might not mind too much – this was a lovely place – but they might mind quite a lot. Starrk was very non-confrontational. The thought of dealing with his irate creations was cringe worthy.

Lilinette didn't seem to care much either way. She loved playing games in the sand, building castles and other crazy things. Starrk vividly remembered the time he'd woken up after a nap to find that she'd given him sand breasts, with seashells for nipples. The time she'd built a trap for him out of ropes had been interesting too…

Putting aside that mildly painful memory, Starrk thought about what to do. He was rather lonely. Perhaps he could go visit the one person who hadn't run away or tried to attack them… the bartender who had served them. If he was going to do that, though, he would have to bring some money. Starrk hadn't really figured out how money worked but surely he could find something the man would value?

Or maybe he could bring someone here? That thought had some appeal although whoever he picked might be angry. Although, if they were too difficult he could just send them back. Who though? Maybe those taichou? They had seemed nice, from what he could recall.

"…Lilinette!" Starrk called. He needed his other half for this. She was more sensible than he was, in a lot of ways, and it was always nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. If she thought this was a good idea, he would go for it.

He really was feeling quite lonely.

* * *

Shunsui sighed, looking at his paperwork with an air of great disillusionment.

If he'd known that becoming a taichou involved this much paperwork, maybe he wouldn't have done it. Perhaps he would have just stayed in the ranks instead. Comfortably oblivious to all the joys of command. Although, he knew that wasn't true. Shunsui loved being a taichou in most ways and he certainly couldn't give up his responsibilities. It was just… paperwork?

"Why is there always more of it? It wasn't like this when I first became a taichou." He murmured, resting his chin in his hands as he tapped his pen against the paper, leaving little dots of ink behind. Nanao hated it but he called them his 'thinking dots'. "We've become a bureaucracy." He made the word a curse. Sighing, he reached for the next paper in the pile.

And everything changed. Bright light hit him so suddenly that he had to shield his eyes. As his eyes adjusted he lowered his hand and stared.

He was sitting on a beach. The sand beneath him was almost painfully white, shading a bit where the sea lapped at it in gentle waves. The ocean was brilliantly blue, and the sky was completely clear except for a few fluffy clouds. Pushing himself to his feet he looked around wide-eyed. Nearby there was a bamboo and reed cabana, clearly meant to keep the sun off for a bit. The reishi in the air was high but not painful and Shunsui closed his eyes for a moment as he felt an amazing sense of well-being fill his body. He hadn't felt this good since…

"Shunsui?" Opening his eyes he turned to see Juushiro. His best friend was holding his sword hilt and looking very confused. "What just happened?" He asked and Shunsui scratched his head.

"I'm not sure." Although he was sure of one thing. "This place feels like the Celestial realm." Although it clearly wasn't. Glancing away from the water, he saw the heavy jungle behind them. There was a neat little path leading off the beach, tiled in grey stone. Other than that, though, it was wild and untamed. "Curious…" Then he noticed something that made him arch his eyebrows. Juushiro followed his gaze and couldn't help but smile.

What they were noticing was two heads, peeking out at them from behind the cabana, one above the other. Starrk was in some danger of receiving a nasty poke from Lilinette's horn, but didn't seem to care. Starrk seemed almost… afraid? Certainly very worried. Lilinette just looked interested.

"Hello there!" Shunsui waved before glancing around again. "Nice place you have here. But what precisely are we doing here, Starrk-san?" His voice was very friendly and easily encouraged the two arrancar to stop hiding behind the cabana. As they stepped out, the two taichou looked them over curiously.

They had both abandoned their fur wraps, probably because they were completely impractical for a tropical beach. Starrk was wearing bright red swimming trunks and Lilinette was wearing a two piece, little girl bathing suit. It was white but with splashes of pink, yellow and blue.

"We, well, hoped you might be willing to stay a while?" Starrk said with an almost wistful air and Juushiro blinked at the thought. Was the arrancar lonely? Shunsui smiled and shook his head regretfully.

"I'm afraid we have duties we really cannot take time away from." He said and Lilinette laughed as Starrk smiled shyly.

"You don't have to worry about THAT! We control time here." She informed them and they both stared at her blankly. "If we want, we can put you back at the exact time and place we found you. No time would pass at all. So why not have a vacation? Stay as long as you like!"

"What? How?" Juushiro breathed although… it wasn't really as preposterous as it sounded. They must have created this place. Starrk spoke up diffidently.

"Time is just another coordinate. Hollows have a great natural navigation ability, they need to in order to create garganta and move between the worlds. They just don't have the power to fix the time coordinate but we do." He said and Juushiro and Shunsui exchanged a glance. These two were rather terrifying. Although…

"Well, in that case we should stay!" Shunsui said cheerfully and the two arrancar immediately looked happy. "But you will send us back when we want?" He asked and Starrk nodded as Lilinette giggled.

"Oh yeah! Starrk is like, super wussy when people yell at him. You know, we thought about making duplicates of you guys. We're really great at copying things. But Starrk went all wimpy about it when he thought about what he'd do if they yelled at him." She said cheerfully and Shunsui blinked as Juushiro winced a little at the thought. Copies of them? Starrk looked a bit harassed.

"Well, what WOULD I do? I couldn't send them to Soul Society, they would already be there! And I couldn't just destroy them, it would be wrong!" He said and Lilinette sneered at him.

"Oh yeah? You've destroyed things you've made before, Starrk! Like that vine that was trying to take over the island. Remember?" She said and her larger companion gave her a very dubious look.

"Lilinette, are you equating an invasive vine with a shinigami? Because I think that's absurd." He said firmly as they watched, fascinated. Lilinette came back immediately.

"Oi! Just because it can't talk it's not worth anything? You're being speciest Starrk! Speciest!" She berated him and he began to look rather worried, as if he was afraid he'd actually done something wrong.

"But I couldn't leave it. It was choking out all the other plants…" He protested and Lilinette glared at him. "Lilinette?" He said weakly and she suddenly smiled and laughed before shoving him in the chest.

"You're such a total wuss Starrk! I was just kidding you. Getting rid of a vine and a person are totally different! Geez. Isn't he a wuss?" She said to Juushiro and Shunsui. Shunsui smiled at them both as Starrk blushed.

"A bit perhaps. But please, don't make copies of us. The copies might not mind but we would." He said seriously. How would he feel if he was a copy, existing in this place? He… might enjoy it, actually. This place was remarkable. Still, Shunsui didn't want a copy of himself wandering around. Juushiro nodded firmly.

"That would be awkward." He said and the arrancar nodded earnestly. Shunsui found that Starrk was reminding him of a young recruit, in some ways. Eager to please and terrified that he would somehow get it wrong. "Well, we're going to need bathing suits…"

It didn't take long for the two arrancar to either fetch or create everything they needed. Shunsui and Juushiro both stretched out in the sand, enjoying tropical drinks they were sipping from coconuts. Starrk had materialized an entire bar, made out of bamboo and thatched with reeds. A copy of something from a tropical resort, it was fully stocked with liquor. Starrk seemed to avoiding that, though, he noticed.

"The hangover was bad?" He asked and the arrancar blushed before mumbling an affirmative. "You just have to take it slower. In fact, why don't you make yourself one of these?" He lifted the coconut. "It's not strong." Really, it was mostly coconut water and sugary fizz. Starrk hesitated before nodding.

"Alright…" He said before materializing one and taking a sip from the coconut. His eyes widened at the flavor. "Sweet!" Then he tried it again. "S'good." He mumbled and Shunsui laughed, glancing towards the water. Lilinette was busy playing in the surf and from the smile on Juushiro's face, he thought his friend would be joining the child soon.

"Starrk, can you tell us a bit about yourself?" He asked and Starrk frowned for a moment before shrugging.

"There's not a lot to tell… became hollow, ate other hollows, stared at a lot of sand." He said lightly and Shunsui was absolutely sure he was lying. Well, not lying precisely but leaving something out.

"But you were powerful enough to take away the hogyoku from Aizen. How did that happen?" Juushiro asked and Starrk looked down. They could both see the quiet pain in his grey eyes, the hurt there as he ran a hand through white sand, watching the grains fall between his fingers.

"I suppose it started with my life as a human." He said after a moment and they exchanged a glance, surprised. He could remember that? Although they had no idea how common that was. "I never fit in. I frightened my own family… you see, I always knew when things would happen. If strangers were coming to the village, I knew about it at least a day in advance. I could predict how many they would be and if they would be a problem or not. If someone became ill, I could predict if they would live or die and even how long they would be sick. It was a great gift and a terrible curse." Starrk said sadly and Shunsui swallowed as he tried to imagine how spiritually powerful the young man must have been. And…

"How old were you, when this started?" Juushiro asked softly and Starrk glanced up with a small, troubled smile.

"Six." He said and they both winced. "I did have one stroke of luck. When I was eight years old, my father was planting the wheat and for the first time, I saw farther… I told him no, the frost would come too soon and he would lose his crop. He needed to plant rye instead, which would sell for less but tolerate the cold better." Starrk smiled then, and it was almost happy. "He was shocked but decided to believe me. It's not the sort of thing a child would make up, after all. And I was right. Many of his neighbors had a very bad year but we did not." He said and Shunsui listened, fascinated. "After that he took my advice and shared it with the rest of the village. Many people were still afraid of me, but I had a use… if not for that, I might have been put to death as a witch. But with my insights, we prospered."

"The one person whose future I could not foresee, however, was my own." Starrk said softly as he gazed away, his expression slightly pained. "I foresaw that strangers would be coming to the village and they would be coming for me, to take me away. But I didn't know why. Father wanted to hide me at first but I told him he could not… if they did not find me, I said, they would kill everyone and put the village to the torch. My family… I frightened them and I was isolated from them, but they still loved me. I remember, my mother held me and wept. I was only fifteen." He fell silent for a moment before sighing and picking up the story again. "When they arrived we found they were from the King. They had heard rumors of the 'seer child' and I was to be brought before him. If I'd had any delusions that it was a good thing, the dread I felt from the other villagers would have cured it. It was like they were watching me go to my death." He said and Shunsui felt the need to say something.

"Surely it wasn't that bad? Your gift would have been priceless to him." He said and Starrk gave him a small, sad smile.

"Perhaps if he'd been an intelligent man. But no, he was a petulant moron." Starrk said lightly and Shunsui blinked as Juushiro frowned. "I didn't know that at the time, of course. I was brought in front of his glittering court and commanded to tell him his future. I think he expected sweet lies. But I was just a child and a true seer, so I made the mistake of telling him the truth. He didn't like knowing that if he did nothing, he would be dead of poison before the year was out." Starrk said and Shunsui winced. He knew a great deal of noble houses. He could guess what happened next. "I won't go into the rest of it. If only I had been able to see my own future… ah. Well, then I was a ghost." He said lightly and Shunsui nodded sadly. He was glad to skip the gory details. "The King really was an idiot. I got to see even more of it after I was dead… I was amused to find out the Queen was having affairs with half the palace and he hadn't even noticed." Starrk said with a smile and Shunsui chuckled softly. "That was when I met Lilinette. She was a ghost there too… she had actually been a noble child before she died of a fever. We had so much fun together… we played and played, and she taught me so many things. If you counted the time she had been dead, she was actually older than me. We – OW!" They both stared as Starrk was suddenly tackled by a flying Lilinette, landing on his back in the sand.

"OI! Why are you talking about that?! That was bad times! This is good times! Stop talking and start playing!" She pounded a fist against his chest, making him 'ack' a bit. "Come on Starrk! We're supposed to be having fun here!" She grabbed his hair then and began dragging him away.

"Ack! Lilinette! My hair! Eeep!" She was shorter, which made the arrancar hunch over as he was yanked towards the water. "I'm coming, I'm coming! Ow, stop!" She let go of him and Juushiro got up to follow, smiling. Shunsui debated for a moment before putting down his coconut and going to join them. Soon they were playing a spirited game of water polo and he found, to his slight surprise, that he was really having quite a lot of fun.

These two arrancar really were very amusing to be around.

* * *

"My kami. This is amazing." Shunsui looked around, truly awed by the surroundings. Juushiro looked equally stunned.

As night began to fall, Starrk had diffidently asked if they preferred to sleep under the stars or in a bed. That was how they'd found out that the island had a house. Or rather, a mansion, and not just one. There were three homes on the island and they were all absolutely exquisite.

"Yeah, we think this is some kind of private island. Like, an extended family owns the whole thing. We copied everything so it's really neat." Lilinette said as she toed a rug with one bare foot. "Ain't the floor pretty?" It was of multi-colored marble, fitted together in a geometric pattern.

"Yes indeed." Shunsui tilted his hat back a bit, glancing around. The whole place continued the theme of the floor. It was decorated in very good taste, with only the finest of materials used. It reminded him slightly of some of his clan's holdings in the Living World. They had things this luxurious… but nothing more luxurious. He honestly didn't think it was possible to get much better than this. "Someone is very rich." He could imagine how much such a building would cost. And three of them? Amazing.

"It's beautiful, but, mm… where are the bedrooms?" Juushiro asked before stifling a yawn and Shunsui smiled. They had spent a very active day playing with the two arrancar. Lilinette ran up the stairs, still full of obscene amounts of energy. Starrk seemed as tired as they were.

"Right up here! C'mon!" They followed her up the fine spiral staircase, to the second floor. It turned out there were many, many rooms to choose from. They were all wonderful so Shunsui picked one at random, settling in easily. The bed was incredibly comfortable and he quickly fell asleep.

* * *

The next day he wondered if it had all been a crazy dream.

But the wind was coming through the room from completely the wrong angle. Stretching in his bed, he opened his eyes to see gauzy curtains drifting lightly into the room. Sitting up he looked out the doors, which were open to a lovely little balcony. Standing up he went to take a look and saw the house was positioned on a hill. From this spot he had a wonderful view of the beach and the ocean.

"Shunsui?" Looking down he smiled in amusement as he saw Juushiro had done the exact same thing. He was standing on a nearby balcony, his expression a little awed. "Is this real?"

"It most certainly is." For a moment he just reveled in the feel of the reishi in the air and the intensity of the colors. It made him never want to leave… but he would have to, eventually. When? Mentally, he gave it a week. That was a good vacation. He wasn't the least bit worried now about Starrk letting them go. His first impressions of the arrancar was right… no matter how long he had spent as a hollow in Hueco Mundo, he behaved more like a lonely young man desperate to make friends. "Hm, I'm going to take a bath." He'd noticed that the bathroom in his suite was absolutely stupendous. A deep soaker tub… Juushiro laughed softly.

"You're getting into this. But I suppose there's no reason not to enjoy it… and we need to know more about them." He said and Shunsui nodded, sobering a bit. They really needed to know more about this possible threat. Right now, Starrk and Lilinette seemed about as threatening as a chipmunk but that could change. They had defeated Aizen, after all.

After a nice, hot bath, they both went to find the arrancar. They were quite easy to find… Lilinette was in the kitchen, tilting her head to one side before copying food items, trying them and erasing them. Some she kept with a giggle. She looked up with a smile as she saw them.

"Hey look! I've been making breakfast!" She said cheerfully and Shunsui looked over the food with a bemused smile. It was the kind of spread Yachiru would appreciate. Pop tarts, chocolate croissants, waffles with whipped cream and apple compote…

"Ah, I don't suppose you could make me some eggs?" Shunsui asked as Juushiro went for the croissants, smiling. His best friend had always had a sweet tooth but he didn't really share it. Lilinette blinked and scratched her head before concentrating. Then a dish popped into existence. It looked like it had just been stolen from a very fancy restaurant. Three poached eggs, a hash of potatoes and short ribs with a bit of toast and hollandaise sauce… "Ah, wonderful! Thank you. And where is Starrk?" He asked as he settled in at the table. Lilinette took a plate of waffles and a few pop tarts before answering.

"He's still sleeping, the lazy bum. I can go kick him awake if you want." She offered but Shunsui shook his head with a smile.

"No need. Tell me, Lilinette. What are the two of you planning to do?" He asked and saw Juushiro pause for a moment in his eating. The little girl arrancar shrugged, sampling a pop tart.

"Be beach bums. Maybe go visit that bar sometime, with the guy who didn't run away. Make sure to bring him some money 'cause we can't be sponges. Drag you guys in for a visit when we're feeling all lonesome, if you're okay with that." She added, which was nice. "If you're asking if we're planning to become the god-king's of Soul Society or something the answer is no. I think it would be boring and pointless and the thought of getting everyone mad at him makes Starrk all queasy. We have like, no ambition at all." She sounded perversely proud of the lack.

"Hmm. Well, that is a bit reassuring." If these two tried to take over Soul Society, what would happen? He honestly had no clue. Would the Soul King have to stop them himself? And would he? There were good reasons he had to stay in the Celestial Realm but these two did not seem tied to any location. They both looked up at a faint, far off scream.

"Oh, I think he found that thing I put in his clothes drawer." Lilinette said cheerfully. They both looked at her curiously and she explained. "It was like a box with these fabric snakes in! They pop out, it's fun! I wedged it so they would all come out when he opened the drawer!"

"You are a very cruel child." Juushiro said severely, but couldn't help the amusement in his tone. She grinned at him and they both looked up as Starrk came into the room, looking a touch shell-shocked and holding a fuzzy pink toy snake.

"I don't even… Lilinette, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" He asked plaintively and she giggled. "Oh, food?" Starrk looked at it with a vaguely alarmed air before shrugging and taking a croissant.

After a bit more chatting and lingering over breakfast, they went down to the beach. Shunsui deeply enjoyed the sun and the ambiance, especially when Starrk fetched a few books from his rooms. Although…

"You know what this party really needs? Women." He said and, to his slight surprise, Starrk immediately perked up and looked at him attentively.

"Women?" He asked and Lilinette groaned from where she was lying on the sand.

"Now you've done it. He's just _desperate_ for a girlfriend but he has NO idea how to get one…"

"Lilinette!" Starrk was already blushing but his little friend just ignored him, maundering on as the two shinigami listened in fascination.

"…He died just when he was noticing girls and then he got to see ALL the stuff the Queen was doing and I KNOW he wanted it to be him…"

"_Lilinette!"_

"…And in Hueco Mundo we were too strong so he's like a thousand-year old virgin…"

"Oh that's it!" For the very first time, Juushiro and Shunsui had the pleasure of seeing Starrk really taking revenge on his smaller companion. Lilinette yelped in surprise as he grabbed her by the back of her swimsuit and wound back.

The throw was absolutely titanic. Lilinette went flying with a scream and landed in the ocean with a tremendous splash. Starrk looked after her with an air of satisfaction before taking a seat.

"So, um… women? Is there anyone in particular I should bring…?" He asked hopefully and Shunsui grinned as Juushiro shook his head. They could both hear Lilinette cursing and they were sure Starrk was going to regret that soon.

This was really very amusing.

Author's Note: There's going to be more! This was just getting too long so I figured I'd split it up, heh. ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

After that, things quickly spiraled out of control.

However, it was in a good way. Shunsui's suggestion was to bring Rangiku and Nanao. Juushiro suggested Rukia and his third seats, Sentaro and Kiyone. Starrk and Lilinette obligingly brought them everyone they asked for, although they confided that Rukia was taken from further in the timeline. The precise time that Shunsui had been sitting at his desk and Juushiro was walking down a hall, she was in the bathroom. So she was taken just after she finished washing her hands. The difference was only about five minutes.

Once everyone was there and got over the shock, though, they had their own suggestions. Rangiku wanted Shuuhei and Momo, Rukia wanted Renji and Ichigo… Ichigo wanted Orihime and Chad… Inoue suggested Uryuu… fortunately, the beach was rather big. There was more than enough room for everyone.

Then something truly horrible happened.

Shunsui should have sensed his doom coming for him when Nanao started quietly chatting with Lilinette and Starrk. Particularly when the younger arrancar got giggly and the elder looked reluctant. But he was too busy chatting up a blushing Inoue to notice. Then he noticed her staring over his shoulder, wide-eyed.

"Er, I'm sorry about this." Starrk sounded apologetic and Shunsui turned, staring as he saw… what?

"Nanao-chan?" He asked weakly as she beamed at him. The two hybrids were carrying stacks of papers. They looked like they'd come from his desk. Lilinette was giggling, almost hidden behind her stack. "I, um…" He glanced around, wondering if he could possibly make a break for it. This did not look good at all.

"No time is passing, taichou. If you complete your work you can have a completely clean desk when you go back!" Nanao said, which struck him as an awful idea. More fun here or a clean desk? Fun, please. It didn't look like he was going to get that, though. "Just an hour a day should be enough if you actually work at it." She said, adjusting her glasses and Shunsui looked at the paperwork helplessly.

"Do I have to – ow! Nanao!" She's just nailed him with her book. "Alright, alright." He surrendered. Then he brightened slightly. "Yama-jii will be so impressed!" Shocked too, when he got all the paperwork in on time and in full. Even with Nanao riding him, that was unusual for the Eighth. "Perhaps we should take this to the house…" The beach really wasn't a good place to do his paperwork and surely that wonderful house would have an office.

It did and it was extremely comfortable. So comfortable that he was tempted to doze off… but that was an awful idea. And then something quite unexpected came to his rescue.

"Hey, can I help?" Lilinette plopped down on the chair across from him and he blinked at her in surprise. "I can read and write and do 'rithmetic. Not like Starrk. He was a peasant, I've been teaching him but he still reads pretty slow and his writing is awful. Don't even talk to me about his numbers." She rolled her single eye. Shunsui smiled at her, amused.

"Ah, Lilinette-can! Most of these would be far too complicated." He said easily before glancing over his work. Was there anything…? "Perhaps you could take a look at these?" He offered her some of the budget sheets. "Check to see if the math is right." He typically didn't bother, just signing off on it. Nanao usually caught any problems anyway and if she didn't, well, no one really expected him to look over the math. Lilinette began looking it over, humming softly as she did. Shunsui smiled as he did his work. For once, he was motivated. If he could just complete enough of it he could rejoin the party… He glanced up as Lilinette's humming paused. She was looking at one particular page with a frown.

"Is something wrong?" He would be surprised if she'd somehow spotted something Nanao had missed. The little arrancar reached up to scratch her helmet. It made an odd, echoing sound.

"I dunno? The addition's alright and stuff but these numbers are weird." She said doubtfully and he blinked. "My mom was big into the spice trade and she was teaching me stuff. We were nobles but really rich and a lot of it was on spices… the numbers shouldn't be regular like this. Unless that's how it is where you are? But it seems awfully strange to me. Is someone rounding them?"

"…Hm. That's interesting." He said slowly. That was the kind of thing that Nanao might not notice. "I'll have Nanao look into it later." If someone was rounding the numbers they might be stealing tiny amounts on each transaction. Not much individually but if it had been going on for a while… oh dear. However, it was too early to say for certain. Lilinette shrugged and kept looking over the budget reports.

She found nothing else interesting and Shunsui did a solid amount of work, feeling rather virtuous as he went back to the beach. When he did, he was pleased that he'd secured his freedom. There was a cookout going on, with a great piece of meat roasting on a spit. Shuuhei was preparing his units famed rice and it looked like there was a stupendous meal in the offing. As soon as they arrived Starrk grabbed Lilinette. They stood in a corner of the cabana, talking very intently about something.

"OW!" Everyone turned to look at that sharp yelp. Starrk was on the ground, holding something glowing in his hand and whimpering. Lilinette was just looking at him in annoyance. "Owowow…"

"Hey, it's your own fault you didn't do it the way I said." Lilinette said, kicking him in the side. He grimaced, pulling himself to his feet. "Give it to her already!"

"Calm down Lilinette. She must have been without it for years… um." Starrk blushed lightly as he became aware he was the centre of attention. Shunsui tried to get a look at the thing in his hand and frowned. Was that a soul fragment? "Ah… Rangiku-san?" Starrk walked up to her, the tiny bit of light carefully cradled in his hands. "I don't know you lost it and I don't know how it ended up in my sword, but I believe this belongs to you?" He offered it to her and she stared at it, taken aback. Lilinette explained.

"It's a bit of your soul. Starrk noticed that you weren't right, probably when he was looking at your tits." Lilinette said cynically and Starrk tried to kick her, his blush deepening. "Anyway, he found that for you and I helped get it out. Aizen probably stole it, dunno why. But you should take it back, your soul has a big flaw in it right now."

"…Really…?" Rangiku hesitantly reached out. As soon as her hand touched the little spark in Starrk's hands, it vanished. "Oh!" She pressed a hand to her bosom, which interested all the men in the audience. The ladies were just concerned for her. "I feel so… so…" She suddenly grabbed Starrk. There was tension in the viewers that quickly eased as the arrancar ended up with his face pressed against very plush breasts. "WONDERFUL! Oh, thank you so much!"

"Mph?" Starrk made a small sound in the back of his throat, staring at the cushions he was currently pressed against. Shunsui couldn't help but grin as he watched.

"Rangiku-chan? What has happened…?" Isane asked hesitantly. Rangiku was not loathe to explain.

"I feel complete! Haineko says I needed that, if I ever wanted to achieve my bankai! I didn't even realize it was missing! How did that happen? Oh, you have no idea how happy you've made me." She pressed Starrk a bit closer. He made a small 'uh-huh' sound, his eyes very wide. Lilinette rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, you might want to watch that. He's still a virgin, he might jizz in his pants any moment." She said and Rangiku paused before gently pulling Starrk out of her bust. The arrancar was blushing fiercely and staring at her with a petrified expression. Rangiku smiled at him, slow and insinuating.

"You're a virgin?" She asked and he nodded hesitantly. "That's so hot." She cooed before gripping his hand. Starrk's eyes were even wider, if possible. "Come with me." She said before pulling him away, into the jungle. There was a surprised silence behind them.

"…Wow. Guess I can't call him the thousand year old virgin anymore, huh?" Lilinette said, cleaning out her ear with one finger. "I really need to figure out how to grow up. I mean, there's got to be a way to make that happen…" Shunsui laughed, very amused. Everyone else followed a moment later and soon the party was back in full swing. He smiled as he took a big platter of rice and meat with just a few vegetables.

It was some time before Starrk and Rangiku got back. When they did, Starrk was looking stunned and Rangiku seemed to be satisfied. She immediately went to talk to Isane, Rukia, Nanao and Kiyone. Shunsui was curious so he eavesdropped shamelessly.

"…How was he?" Rukia asked. Isane was blushing while Kiyone and Nanao listened intently. Rangiku laughed, her breasts jiggling in a very appealing way. Shunsui smiled appreciatively.

"For a virgin, rather good. He's well-built and has some stamina. He just needs a bit of practice and he'll be great." She smiled appreciatively. "And teaching him was just so sexy." She said and Shunsui knew exactly what she meant. He'd had a few virgins in his day and while easing a woman past the first pain could be difficult, it was worth it. The way they reacted when he taught them how their bodies worked… he knew Nanao wasn't a virgin but –

_WAP!_ Shunsui was caught entirely by surprise when Nanao nailed him with her book. All the women laughed as he ended up on his back in the sand.

"Are you spying on us Kyoraku taichou?! Go find something else to do or I'll find you more paperwork!" Nanao threatened and he winced, holding his eye. Although he'd rather been asking for that.

"You are being so cold to me – I'm going, I'm going!" He beat a hasty retreat as she threatened him again. Smiling to himself, he got some sake from the bar and settled in to enjoy the setting sun. The sunset was absolutely glorious, full of brilliant pink clouds.

This was a wonderful vacation.

* * *

"Tell me Starrk. Can you create things? Entirely new things?" Shunsui asked casually as they lay beneath the sun. It was another beautiful day in paradise. His question, though, was not as idle as it seemed. He was trying to figure out the limits of these arrancar's abilities. Starrk grimaced as Lilinette laughed.

"Yes, but they always go wrong somehow. The vine was something original. I somehow ruined the reproductive rate." Starrk sighed as he thought about it. Lilinette grinned as she took over the explanation.

"Not just that either! We tried to make a fish once. It sank! We screwed up the bladder somehow. Starrk was horrified when it died." She said cheerfully and the bigger arrancar winced.

"We finally decided to stop and just copy things. We can make original ideas work but all the failures…" He said and Shunsui nodded thoughtfully. As kind hearted as the arrancar was, seeing his creations die would certainly distress him.

"Can you bring the dead back to life?" He asked and the two arrancar blinked at him before exchanging a glance.

"Gosh, could we?" Lilinette asked and Starrk frowned, rubbing his chin as he looked away. It seemed like he was contemplating something far off in the distance.

"I think so. We would have to find the correct soul and bring it back to a waiting body." He said after a moment. "But I think… it would cause issues. We could probably fix that but I think we might start to anger the other one. I don't think we should do that."

"The other one?" Shunsui asked, keenly interested. Starrk gave him a troubled glance.

"I'm fairly sure you already know who I mean… the one that owns the other good place." He said as Lilinette made a face. "We've felt his presence, several times. Exploring us. He seems to have decided to leave us alone but if we begin meddling so flagrantly, that might change."

"Yeah, and we don't want that. We just want to be left alone and have fun and stuff. Not get in a, you know, godly cataclysm." Lilinette waved her hand as everyone winced. "So yeah, we're not bringing back your granny. Sorry."

"My granny is still alive, fortunately." Shunsui said with a smile. Inwardly, he was more than a bit worried. But then, they'd already known the power these two wielded. It was likely a good thing that they were so disinclined to use it.

Then Orihime ran up, her breasts bouncing in her swimsuit. That caught everyone's attention easily.

"Starrk-san, Lilinette-san! We're having a volleyball game! Would you like to play?" She asked cheerfully and Starrk smiled as Lilinette brightened.

"Yeah! Yeah, I want to play! Come on Starrk!" The little arrancar grabbed her other half's hand and pulled him after her, laughing. Shunsui smiled as he stood, following. He would be interested in watching this game although not participating. Perhaps he was getting old but that sort of thing didn't appeal to him much anymore.

Watching it, though, was a great deal of fun. Nanao was so beautiful in her swimsuit! Although she would have been far lovelier in the suit Rangiku had picked out for her… alas, she had asked Lilinette to fetch her something from her rooms. It was a black one piece suit with white lines on the sides. Still, it was quite attractive on her!

"Ah, Shunsui! Everyone is having a wonderful time, aren't they?" Juushiro's voice claimed his attention and Shunsui turned to look at his friend with a smile that quickly turned into a frown. Juushiro did not look entirely well. He was sweating heavily and looked a bit pale.

"Are you feeling well?" He asked, concerned, as he reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. Juushiro gave him a wan smile.

"It's just the heat. It's rather uncomfortable." He said before wiping his face. Sentaro was there, looking concerned. "I think I might have a nap in the cabana." It was definitely the coolest part of the beach.

"I'll help you sir." He offered and Juushiro took his arm with a grateful smile. Shunsui watched them go with a frown, dithering for a moment before suddenly pausing. Why hadn't he thought of that before? _They could bring the dead back to life!_ If the two arrancar could do that, what else could they do?

Suddenly moving with a purpose, he went to corral the two arrancar. That took a bit of time… Starrk and Lilinette were involved in their game. But other people wanted to play and soon he managed to get them away.

"Oi, what's up?" Lilinette asked and Shunsui took a deep breath before attempting to explain.

"My friend is sick…" Quickly, he outlined Juushiro's illness. Starrk frowned as Lilinette reached up to scratch her helmet.

"Can we fix something like that? We've never tried before." She said and Starrk gazed away in Juushiro's general direction.

"Well, I'm sure we can fix it. The question is, can we keep him alive when we do it?" Starrk said practically and Shunsui winced at the thought. "We simply can't experiment on a full-fledged shinigami. I hate to do this sort of thing but it's a good cause. Lilinette, could you get me some rats? The island has far too many anyway."

"Sure. You want to go examine him while I do that?" She asked and Starrk nodded.

"That was what I was thinking." The two of them worked very well together, Shunsui noticed. But then, they'd been together for uncounted years. As Lilinette went to find the rats, Starrk went to where Juushiro was lightly dozing. He didn't disturb the sleeping taichou at all, just examined him intently for a moment.

When they had the rats, experimentation began. That attracted a bit of attention.

"What are they doing?" Rangiku asked wonderingly as Starrk and Lilinette bent over a pair of rodents, talking quietly. Shunsui watched them, interested to see what would happen.

"They're trying to find a way to cure Ukitake." He said and her eyes went wide. "They're experimenting because – ah." A rat had suddenly gone into convulsions. Starrk was wincing but Lilinette was just watching it thoughtfully. "They want to make sure they can do it correctly." Clearly there was some trial and error going on. Rangiku watched in horrified fascination as the rat finally expired.

"Well, I hope they perfect that before they try it on Ukitake taichou!" She said and he nodded with a frown. He was starting to have second thoughts about this, although the arrancar were going about it in a logical manner. Mayuri would no doubt approve. Leaving them to it, he went back to the beach party. It would probably take them days to perfect the process.

As it happened, he was wrong about that. It only took them a few hours.

"We got this!" Lilinette announced as Starrk smiled happily. "Hey, Kyoraku! You want to be there when we fix your friend?" She said and he stared, taken aback.

"You can? Really?" Although… "Are you sure?" How could they be? But Starrk was more than willing to explain.

"We've been experimenting on the rats, by altering their time." That made him blink. Altering time? "First we would give them the disease, then speed up time to make it worse. Then, when that is done we would try various ways to fix the issue. Then, if the rat survived, we would speed up time again to make sure there were no ill effects."

"Yeah, we had a lot of those at first." Lilinette said, rubbing at the edge of her helmet. "The rat would look okay but then it would get really sick and die a few months later. We've got it though, the last six rats we did were all fine years later. So we're sure we can do it. Oh yeah… we need a comparison though. Someone with really healthy lungs. Who's volunteering?" For a moment he considered volunteering himself, but while he was healthy he wasn't the least bit young. Perhaps…?

"Hisagi?" His lungs should be quite healthy and it might be better to use a man. Shuuhei looked vaguely alarmed but nodded and Starrk went to him, examining him closely for a second before nodding. Then the two arrancar went to Juushiro, who was still asleep. "Should we…?"

"No, this'll be great. If he sleeps through it we'll know we've done it right." Lilinette said firmly and Starrk examined Ukitake for a moment before gently resting a hand on his chest. Nothing happened that anyone could see. "And it's done!" She said, very pleased. Juushiro didn't stir from his rest.

"He didn't feel anything?" Rukia asked, worried about her taichou. Starrk lifted his head with a small smile before explaining.

"That is ideal. We noticed that when the rats sensed something, almost always we had done it wrong. Then they became sick. If he felt nothing, that is good." He stood, wiping the sand off his knees. "You can take him to the healers when you return to Soul Society, but I think you will find that he is completely well."

"Yeah! Now let's play more volleyball!" Lilinette demanded and Shunsui wondered if it really could be true. Had these arrancar worked a miracle? Was Juushiro's illness actually cured? He wasn't entirely willing to trust it, not yet. Still, for the first time in hundreds of years, he had hope.

They would just have to wait and see.

* * *

When the time came, they were all a bit reluctant to leave.

The incredible reiatsu in the air, the paradisical surroundings, the friendly arrancar-gods who could create anything they wanted at a drop of a hat… it was hard to leave it behind. However, there were some that felt differently.

"Okay, it's been great and all. Starrk's lost his virginity, I've had a blast, but it's time for you guys to go home." Lilinette said firmly as Starrk blushed. "We're getting burned out on this social interaction thing. Seriously, we need some time to ourselves."

"And we do have work waiting for us." Juushiro said, looking around severely. There were some sighs and signs of reluctance.

"Except for me! I can't wait to hand in everything and tell Yama-jii how I got it all done!" Shunsui was really quite proud of himself and conveniently ignoring the fact that Nanao had bullied him into it. "Ah, we can come back sometime?" He was a bit hopeful. Starrk smiled, pleased.

"We would be glad to have you again." He said sincerely and Rangiku hugged him enthusiastically. Starrk hugged her back and Shunsui smiled at the sight. The arrancar was gaining a bit of confidence with women, it seemed.

Once all the goodbye's had been said, they were returned to their time. Shunsui leaned back in his chair and smiled at his clean desk before sipping on a tropical drink. He'd grabbed it before he'd left and it made an excellent souvenir, along with his tan.

Telling Yamamoto about this would be so much fun!

* * *

Author's Note: Should this be the end? I can't think of anywhere else to go with this... :)


End file.
